Think together not alike

I guess I'm just making up for lost time, but I wanted to share some thoughts today that have been on my mind. One of the things that I enjoy about the dating relationship that I'm in is the conversations we have. I feel very fortunate to have found someone who is an excellent verbal communicator.
She asked me recently about my approach to parenting and what I felt about parents having different styles. It was then that I was reminded of some advice I had been given early in my career and that I had shared with my oldest brother and his bride on their wedding day. "The point is not to think alike but to think together." I lectured today on relationships and dating and I again found myself being drawn to this piece of advice. All too often, we think that we have to think alike when what is needed is to think together.
Most people have probably at heard of the book "The Five Love Languages." In the same conversation, we talked about our different love languages. My experience has been that no matter how much you attempt to explain your love language to someone, they will insist on speaking their own native love language. I've been impressed with her efforts to speak my language, especially since it is not her own. So, if you're reading this, I think you're doing a great job learning about me and trying to show that you care by speaking my complex language. (you've earned a cupcake for that!)
It seems to me that relationships are only complicated when we attempt to do things that are not natural to us. We forget that it is in our nature to couple, so being in a couple relationship should be natural to us. If that's true, coupling can't be in the problem. I think the problem is we have, as a society, bought into the notion that we are supposed to struggle and get frustrated being "men won't communicate, and women won't just say what they're thinking." I can't agree with that anymore. I think the problem is that we forget that we are unique individuals who bring different things to the table and if we were use those difference, our relationships would thrive. So, go out there and take the chance to think together and experience love like never before.

Growing in Love

I’ve taken some time from writing to do a little living and some research if you will on the very thing that I’ve been writing about. I’ve been taking full advantage of my second chance at a first time. With the New Year came some realizations, and one of them was that I was repeating the same pattern. I was waiting around for someone who didn’t want to be waited around on, so I made myself a promise that I would let go and let God. I started the year off without any emotional attachments to anyone else, and it has been a great month and a half so far.

I started teaching Sociology last month, and one of my classes is a Marriage and Family class. We are currently studying the chapter on love. As one would imagine, I was somewhat cautious about how I approached the subject so that I didn’t come across as jaded or insensitive. It was during a group presentation that my heart was ultimately softened. The group who was presented played a song that almost knocked me out of my chair. How could I have been so narrow-minded for so long? Of course, love is still real and should be the object of those who are willing to put forth the effort. Honestly, I haven’t had much experience with real love as an adult. I think I know what love is, but then again, maybe I still have much to learn. Ironically, I had a date the same afternoon of this lecture and presentation, and I spent some part of the date discussing the chapter with the young lady that I’ve been dating. Over the next few days, we revisited the topic and finally concluded that we were both very much afraid of love for the simple fact that agency plays such a huge role in it. We concluded that even though a person may fit all the items on our checklists and so forth, we are given no guarantees that it will work out well. The beauty of love is knowing that the person you’re with is capable of leaving at any time and is choosing to stay because they desire to stay and share their life with you. So, for the first half of the month of February, I’ve been sharing quotes about what love is taken from the New International Version of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Consider these words, “Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight with evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” Isn’t that what we all hope for and seek for in our relationships? Isn’t that why we take the risk on love? So, I have decided to take the risk because I know the rewards are worth it. Am I still afraid? Of course I am. I would be silly if I weren’t, especially given the experience that I’ve had with love. However, I am a strong believer in “Perfect love casteth out all fear.” One major second chance that I’m allowing myself is the opportunity to fall in love…..let me correct that….to grow to love for the first time. Perhaps that it is the problem. Many of us fall in love. We find love when we’re done—when there is something missing from our lives and we’re seeking to be made whole again. The problem is when we fall, most of us choose to get up, and when we’re up on our feet, we find that what we thought was love was never really love at all. Love is a journey and we don’t get there all at once. In fact, we learn, if we are wise, that we arrive at several locations that we label love only to discover that the previous location was only a fraction of our current understanding of love.

Brad Paisley - Then