Missing in Action

Perhaps I have been missing in action as far as writing is concerned, but I am back on the money today. There will be a few posts later that were written during this transition back to Utah. I apologize to those who have been waiting. I will attempt to do much better at writing on a regular basis. Not that my life is so interesting, but, as a close friend pointed out last night, I am a huge communicator. I like to maintain my connections with people, and this blog certainly allows me to do that. Now, I hope you are not confused by the title of this post. I don't mean that I have been missing in action as far as writing goes. I think I have been missing in action with regards to love and life. I have to make sure that I do not come across as insensitive to the woman who once held my heart. I'm not going to pretend that I didn't love her or that I don't on some level. You can't spend nearly a decade with someone and all of a sudden stop loving them, especially when you have children together.
I think we both had settled for this shadow of love, and somehow had convinced ourselves that we could survive both as individuals and as a couple on that shadow. However, as my former mother-in-law would say, "You can't live off love and fresh water." I think somewhere along the line, I gave up on the idea of real love. The kind that is about so much more than romance. I gave up on the idea of love that required a complete sharing of self and a vulnerability akin to stepping in ice cold water and dropping your shorts. (Perhaps the men will understand the significance of that!) We all want things that will expand or enrich our lives, but what about the wonderful things that really shrink life down to size and make you see it for what it really is? I mean that kind of love that takes you from the mansions of the world to the porches of country cottages and remind you that life is simple and beautiful. I checked out of the world so long ago in search of what was already under my nose.
After a restless night, I am choosing to check back into the game. It may sound strange, but perhaps to those who have been here, it will make perfect sense. I didn't get divorced to be single. I got divorced because I desired to be happily married, and I had to face the fact it was not going to happen in the situation I was in. For that, I have to take 100% responsibility. If I hurt my former spouse in the process, I apologize.
As a therapist, I know on a real level that relationships take work. They are not for the faint of heart. Unfortunately, I think we do not always consider that fact we will be required to depend on each other at times. All too often, we keep a tally mark of the good deeds we've done in relationships and when things go south, we pull them out to compare and prove that we had been the most committed or most invested. I know I've been guilty of it from time to time.
There is a beauty in checking back into the game of love and life. Perhaps we learn the value of love. Perhaps we learn that we were not created to be alone. Of course, that can be taken to the extreme, and I'm not advocating co-dependency. I am, however, advocating inter-dependency. There is something noble about saying to another person, "I trust you to the level of allowing you to hold my heart and my hand. I trust you with my hopes and dreams. As you work towards being who you were created to be, I will support you, and all I ask is that you do the same for me. When you are too weak to walk, I will carry you being fueled by the memories of having been carried by you in my times of weakness." People may say that I'm a dreamer, but this is the time of love and companionship I witnessed from my maternal grandparents who were married over 60 years before my grandfather passed away. I want what they had, and I'm willing to work to get it, especially seeing how much more fortunate we are in this time than they were in the mid-1940's when they started their journey together. So, for all of those you have been Missing in Action or taken Prisoner of War on the battlefields of love, I say, "Get back in the fight and wave no white flags until the victory is won and you are resting well in the arms of the one you love."